


Five Times Erwin Didn’t Touch Levi Like He Wanted To Be Touched, And the One Time He Did

by FanaticeIllabantur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Five Plus One, M/M, but i mean, but they do live in the world of the Titan's, so there's the gore warning, there's a lot of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7284877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanaticeIllabantur/pseuds/FanaticeIllabantur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin doesn't always do what Levi wants him to do, but sometimes, he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Erwin Didn’t Touch Levi Like He Wanted To Be Touched, And the One Time He Did

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I’d succumb to writing one of these five plus one things but hey, look what Eruri is doing to me. There’s a lot of talk about Levi’s perfect ass too, so I hope y’all like that because I sure do. Time jumps for days, just so you know x

**_i._ **

Levi wasn’t exactly known for being a particularly affectionate man. On some days, he couldn’t be moved from Erwin’s lap, and on others he would go without touching Erwin completely, and Erwin was fine with that because it was in Levi’s nature. Whenever Levi was having an affectionate day, Erwin revelled in it, and when Levi avoided even eye contact, Erwin took it in his stride and let him be.

Although Erwin did not necessarily appear to be an affectionate man, he was. He liked hugging Levi, holding him, dappling him with kisses in the morning light, and playing with his hair. Well, Levi _liked_ his hair being played with too, but he never rightly admitted it.

The fact that these two were drawn to each other considering their differences in romance was odd but love was love and people couldn’t stop it. And it wasn’t as though Levi hated affection, it was merely that he was rarely the one who initiated it. That was that and they dealt with it.

Currently, they were sat at Erwin’s desk. Considering he spent so much time there anyway, Levi had installed a seat next to the Commander. Erwin, being the Commander, had to write and read a lot of information throughout the course of the day, but most of the time Levi just had to read some ‘bullshit’, his own words, to make sure his squad were doing something right. He didn’t explain it coherently because he didn’t care all that much. They sat in a comfortable silence as they worked.

Occasionally, Levi scoffed or snorted at the work in front of him and it made Erwin smile before he had to reread his own reports because Levi had distracted him. It was tedious but it was necessary. Having Levi beside him to mock this side of their job didn’t always help but it made the time pass quicker.

Idly, Erwin stretched his free hand over towards the desk in attempt to hold Levi’s that was set there. However, before Erwin could even place a finger to Levi’s skin, Levi pulled away, his brow furrowed and his eyes thinning further.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked, his hand now resting in his own lap.

“I was trying to hold my lover’s hand, I didn’t realise it would be a problem.” Erwin answered.

“Since when do we hold hands?”

“Since you don’t need that hand because you’re only reading.”

“And we became one of those couples when exactly?” Levi asked, quirking an eyebrow at the Commander.

“It _would_ have been just then, if you hadn’t flinched away from me like I was some Titan.” Erwin poked fun at Levi who scoffed.

“Yeah, we’re _not_ doing that.” Levi said, turning back to his work, pointedly using that hand to hold the paper.

Erwin did not get to hold Levi’s hand that evening.

**_ii._ **

Unfortunately, death was a common feature of the Expeditions they went on. That was always the way it was. This time, however, it had been brutal and no one returned with much hope in their hearts. They were used to squads dying, but it was never something that came easy.

The blood shed had been heavy and, Levi being the compassionate man that he was beneath his shell of boredom, tried to see everyone he could before they bled out. They had dealt with an enormous amount of Abnormals who cared little for eating their victims, and preferred to toy with them and crush them beneath their teeth before spitting them out again. Levi wanted to tell them all they contributed to the cause, that their deaths meant something.

Erwin watched on as he knelt by as many as he could and, in doing so, got himself covered in the blood of his comrades. Usually, he would have tried cleaning it off the second he could but not now. If he was helping his fellow soldiers pass onto their next life, he would ignore the mess.

Levi himself had actually had a fall because of the unpredictable movements of the Abnormals. He had cascaded down a tree, unable to gain his balance as he was sliced up by the branches he passed. He had tried to grip onto something, but the gear couldn’t find anything stable as he fell towards the ground.

Just before he reached the earth, Levi managed to lock onto one of the lowest branches and hung above the grass, limp. Erwin’s heart had lurched in fear and he had directed his steed towards him, ignoring the Expedition for only a moment. The cause should have been the most important thing and it was, Erwin deciding that helping humanity’s strongest was a definite aid for the cause because, if he died, how well would they fare?

A wave of relief coursed through him when he could see Levi’s small chest rising and falling. He was not dead, just defeated. Blood was seeping through his crisp, white shirt and his cravat had come loose. Even with his eyes closed, Erwin could tell he was ashamed of himself but he shouldn’t be. Levi was always hard on himself and Erwin wanted to teach him not to be, but there was only so much he could do.

Erwin helped Levi down but was pushed away the second Levi was on his feet. Even though he was limping, it didn’t stop him from going over to his fallen comrades and talking them through it until they breathed no more. Erwin couldn’t bring himself to look at the fallen bodies, so he was relieved one of the Captains could.

Then they had rode back home in silence. When they returned, Levi didn’t hold back, but instead, he stalked off instantly without another word to Erwin or the others. Erwin gave them all a quick debrief with one of those inspiring speeches that somehow managed to keep them all motivated, and then he left as well.

Back in their room, which was technically the Commander’s room but they shared it now, he found Levi on the bed, painfully trying to remove his clothing. It stuck to his skin with sweat and blood, immersing the cloth in the open wounds. He had removed his cravat, revealing his neck and collarbones that usually drove Erwin wild, but not now. There were other things on his mind he had to focus on now.

Erwin took a few steps forward but Levi glared at him.

“I can do it myself.” He spat out. Erwin could see the hatred in his eyes, but it wasn’t for him, it was for Levi himself.

Although Levi did not want him to, Erwin continued forward until he sat next to Levi on the bed. Levi flinched away, closing himself off. At times like these, Erwin had to fight to get Levi to be the open person he could be. When he shut himself up, it wasn’t just to Erwin, it was to everyone and every _thing_ that existed.

Despite Levi’s lack of compliance, Erwin pried the shirt that was, in some parts, _inside_ Levi’s body, and off of his back to reveal his pale skin. It was already deeply scarred from battles before, and now there were thick and fresh lines that looked sore and were very open. Erwin had a few cuts himself but he hadn’t fallen through a tree, so Levi was priority.

They would need to be cleaned, which was going to be a hell of a task. If Levi wasn’t in the mood for being touched or looked after, then he would protest until Erwin almost had to tie him down, and Erwin only liked doing that when they were about to fuck. This would not be one of those times.

Erwin told him to remove his trousers as well for they too were stained with blood, but Levi did not respond. Erwin sighed, hoping he would have undressed by the time he returned with the alcohol solution but, when he had, Levi had not moved from his spot. He was like a petulant child sometimes, but Erwin loved him and he looked passed that.

“Don’t make me undress you like a child.” Erwin said, setting down the solution and other cleaning utensils on the bed before sitting down again.

“Piss off.” Levi said, his voice low, eyes dark.

“No.” Erwin said. He took no notice of what Levi said when he was like this. He didn’t intend it to be personal, it was merely the way he became and Erwin ignored it. “Take off your trousers or force me to do it for you. I’m not letting you sleep with open wounds because you’re in a mood.”

“People _died,_ Erwin.” Levi spat. “I’m not in a fucking _mood.”_

“Then take your trousers off.” Erwin left no room for argument.

In a very angry movement that was only a little comical, Levi unstrapped and slid his trousers off his legs after throwing his boots across the room. There were thick cuts in his thighs and down his calves too. It would be a tough job cleaning him up but Levi was worth it.

Erwin started with a cloth to wipe away the excess blood across his body. It was everywhere, down his back and arms, across his chest and stomach, pooling inside the open cuts and at any crease in his body. Levi barely moved as Erwin worked, making it much tougher than it needed to be, but that was Levi’s nature.

Every time he passed one of Levi’s open wounds, Erwin could see him wince as he tensed with his stomach, but his face continued to show indifference. The cloth, once he was merely done with wiping him down, was drenched in blood, stained and seeping into his own hand. Thankfully, he had more than one ready.

There was no talking occurring as Erwin mopped up the blood that gushed out every time Levi breathed. The blood was thick and it ran down his body, staining its pale colour, snaking its way through the creases and indents in his skin, mapping his body like veins or trees. Erwin preferred not to refer to the latter considering that was what had caused him to be in this condition in the first place.

A couple of the wounds looked like they needed to be sewed and Erwin informed Levi of that, but he made no response. Again, Erwin left the room to get the appropriate equipment and he returned to see that Levi still hadn’t moved an inch.

His eyes were blank, a different sort of emptiness in comparison to his boredom. It was as if he was reliving the moments his fellow soldiers died over and over again, repeating it to make his dull, blue eyes dark and lacklustre. Erwin had grown accustom to seeing that look out on the battlefield or even when they were in the mess hall with the others, but not when they were alone together. Those moments usually allowed Levi to give in and release the façade to relax his mind and body.

Sometimes the circumstances of the day took away that opportunity from Levi, and Erwin cursed the world for being so cruel. Levi deserved to relax and not hate himself just as everyone else did, but he seemed to take the brunt of everything to heart. He might not always show it on the outside, but Erwin had learnt to read Levi almost to perfection, and he took it harshly on the inside.

Sitting himself next to Levi again, he took the alcohol solution and dipped the cotton into it with the tongs. Then, as lightly as he could, he pressed it into the cuts. Levi hissed and cursed under his breath as the blood seeped deep into the cotton. There was no part of Erwin that wanted to do this to Levi and, if he could have stopped, he most certainly would have, but he had to do it.

He knew the sting well, the burning sensation that throbbed as the blood absorbed the solution. Most, if not all of the Scouts had been through this and it never got easier. In fact, the anticipation only made it worse.

There were so many across his body, Erwin had to use an awful lot of pieces of cotton, all of them stained and rendered useless now. For a moment, Erwin worried he might not have enough, but he eventually got through cleaning them. Each wound looked even sorer now, but Levi made no complaint.

Then he got to sewing. Levi was stiff at this stage of the process, but he didn’t like to show the pain he was clearly feeling. Erwin couldn’t stop however, because there was a necessity to keep the soldiers safe and getting rid of the chance for infection was a part of that. Even though it was painful, it had to be done.

Erwin watched as Levi clenched his fists, digging his nails deep into his palms as Erwin started piecing Levi’s skin together. It was a tender process that was not for the faint of heart. Levi thankfully wasn’t, but of course it still pained him as Erwin thread the needle through his skin.

The sore wounds, connected again via black stitches, looked ominously red as they pulsed. Levi was looking away, staring intently at the wall as if it called to him, as if it contained the faces of the dead. Often, Levi thought like that and Erwin tried to keep his mind away from those dark thoughts but terrible Expeditions didn’t help.

It took a good long while before Erwin was done, his own wounds throbbing, but he pushed the feeling away to focus purely on Levi and his wellbeing. When he was all sewn up and not so bloody, Erwin stripped and cleaned himself up quickly, not caring about his own state of being if Levi wasn’t feeling his best.

After Erwin settled into bed, Levi did the same but with more begrudging. They did not say a word to each other, not even as Levi settled himself as close to the edge of the bed as he could.

Erwin got to help Levi, but Levi did not want it.

**_iii._ **

Levi had the most perfect ass and he totally knew it. It was pert as anything, round as anything, and firm as anything. There was nothing about it that could have been flawed. It was just gorgeous, completely and utterly gorgeous.

And what was terrible about that was the fact that he knew how much his ass drew Erwin insane. When he was feeling in a particularly teasing mood, which happened more often than people would probably think, he would sway his hips as he walked in front of Erwin, forcing Erwin to lose focus on whatever it was he was previously doing and pay full attention to that wonderful ass.

A lot of the times when Erwin was meant to be doing his reports, Levi would walk into his office and parade around the room, making sure his behind was the focus of his movements. No matter how important his signature was on those pieces of paper, Erwin would always watch, entranced.

The amount of times Erwin gripped onto that ass as they fucked, or slapped across the muscle when they were being rough, Erwin had long lost count. It was taut and firm under his hand, and the way it moved and bucked along with Levi’s hips had become a rhythm Erwin had learnt by heart.

When Erwin was fucking him, he paid an awful lot of attention to his perfect ass, its curve matching no other. Erwin adored digging his fingers deep, gripping the skin and bruising it. That ass was his and his alone, and Levi knew that.

Whether it was clothed or bare, Erwin would spend a lot of his time when he should have been focusing on missions, thinking about ways he could eat it and fuck it and bite it and love it. And Levi always knew just how to get Erwin’s attention to his backside and it drove Erwin absolutely, madly insane.

Because it was rather close to the ground considering his shorter stature, when Erwin watched it move, it was always pretty obvious. Hanji and Mike made sure to nudge him when they caught him spying on his lover’s ass either when it was right in front of him or halfway across the mess hall, bending to pick something up.

And that was another thing Levi always did to drive Erwin’s perfectly sane mind wild; he would bend at the hips as often as he could. Never would he admit to such a thing even though bending at the knees was easier and proper. He would bend at the hips, placing his perfect ass in the air for all to see, though Levi would only care about one pair of eyes watching him, and they always were.

If Levi was feeling particularly submissive, and he often did, he would sit in Erwin’s lap, distracting him from everything he should have been doing because he could feel that ass set perfectly upon his thighs. It was wonderful, to have that muscle so close to his crotch, making his cock twitch in anticipation to feel the heat from Levi’s ass.

Although he would never claim to be the culprit of such, Levi would slowly rotate his hips when sat on his lap, making his ass move across his thighs and lightly brush Erwin’s cock. If Erwin ever asked him what he thought he was doing, Levi would shrug and say he had no idea what Erwin’s perverted mind was thinking about. This would then, of course, ensue in a severe amount of spanking that caused Levi to moan like a whore. It was sheer perfection for the both of them.

He was doing it now. After an Expedition that caused much fewer deaths than expected purely because they had to fall back when an onslaught of Abnormals came their way, Erwin was writing a report of their encounter. He was claiming that they still deserved funding and explaining why it had gone so wrong.

These were the reports Erwin hated the most. Sure, the ones that read the death count and the ones where he had to apologise to the families were horrendous too, but those ones meant they had bettered the state of humanity. These ones meant the deaths that did occur were for no other reason than the failure of the mission.

Typically, Erwin felt little guilt about the death count that occurred on missions. Yes, people dying was horrific and Erwin did not want to cause so much death, but he sort of had to. Titans were not going anywhere by themselves and there were always casualties of war. But, when missions fell short because of unexpected issues, that’s when Erwin felt guilt.

Since Levi could read Erwin well, he knew exactly when Erwin was in need of his company, even when they were in completely opposite ends of the building. So, when Erwin was dully writing on about how they could not have taken on the Abnormals with their current number of Scouts, his office door opened.

Considering there was no knock, Erwin knew it was Levi without even having to look up. The gentle pads of the boots on his wooden floor again alerted Erwin to the fact it was Levi for he had come to know every aspect of him and that included the weight of his steps as he walked. Love made you focus on even the smallest aspects after all.

Erwin was about to look up and greet the Captain when he found his arm being pushed up so Levi could climb underneath and sit on Erwin’s lap. His slight frame fit on his thighs perfectly as Levi crossed his legs so as to define the feel of his firm ass.

After Levi hooked an arm around Erwin’s neck and settled his hand in Erwin’s blonde hair just above his neck, Levi used his other hand to hold Erwin’s chin with his thumb and index finger to make their eyes meet. Levi brushed a thumb across Erwin’s bottom lip, his usually bored eyes now deeply curious and concerned, though they were still half-lidded as per usual.

“You’re overworking yourself.” Levi said, his tone no different from his usual one. It was a statement through and through, leaving very little room to argue.

If it wasn’t Erwin he was talking to, Erwin would have had to say yes and stop working instantly. But he _was_ talking to Erwin and Erwin was the Commander and could argue with Levi to the ends of the earth.

“It’s not that much work. And I _need_ to do it.” Erwin took Levi’s hand away from his chin and held it gently against his chest. Typically, Levi would have pulled away from Erwin, but not at times like these.

Instead, Levi squeezed Erwin’s much larger hand. It was very slight, but Erwin could feet it. He had grown much more sensitive to touch after being with Levi. Although Levi could love with a fierce passion, his more intimate moments came with a level of tenderness.

When Levi played with Erwin’s hair, it was slight. When Levi curled up with Erwin in bed before they drifted off to sleep, his hands on Erwin’s chest were barely there. When Levi did up Erwin’s buttons on his uniform, he was gentle and slow. It was the way he was, tender in his moments of vulnerability and love.

So Erwin lightly squeezed Levi’s hand back, trying to show that he appreciated Levi’s sentiment but that he also needed to get on with his work.

“If it’s not much, then surely it can wait a couple of hours.” Levi said, not giving up.

“A couple of _hours_?” That’s ambitious, isn’t it?” Erwin attempted a light smirk but his heart was too heavy for it.

“You’re right.” Levi said to Erwin’s surprise. “You never can keep it up for very long.”

Erwin gently slapped Levi’s thigh before turning back to his work. Although Erwin could read that Levi understood he needed to do his work, he continued to play with Erwin’s hair and did not remove his hand from Erwin’s body nor his ass from Erwin’s lap.

Erwin hooked an arm around Levi’s waist and pulled him into his chest. In this position, Erwin could have the best of both worlds; Levi sat on his lap with his ass pressing into his thighs, and he could see his work so he could continue writing.

At first, Levi didn’t seem to notice but the gentle movement of Erwin’s body as he wrote brought his attention to Erwin’s defiance. He slapped Erwin’s wrist away, making him drop the pen on his desk.

“Levi.” Erwin scolded but there was a glint in Levi’s eyes that told Erwin he wasn’t going to listen.

“I told you to stop.” Levi said. “Did your ears forget to work?”

“I don’t have much choice, Levi,” Erwin said, “They need this done, so I’m going to do it whether you’re sat on my lap or not.”

Levi licked his teeth, his eyes growing darker. Instead of getting off of Erwin’s lap, he started to rotate his hips so as to brush upon Erwin’s cock. Unable to restrain himself, Erwin released an elongated moan which in turn tugged at the corners of Levi’s mouth.

“I hope I’m not distracting you, Commander.” Levi said as he leant forward, placing his head closer to Erwin’s and whispering with hot breath into his ear.

With his ass rutting into his crotch and his warm breath over his neck and his deep tones resonating through his ear and down the rest of his body, it was hard to keep concentrating on the work that needed to be done. Continuing to play at the small hairs on Erwin’s neck, Levi gently nipped at his ear, making Erwin moan again.

It took all of his might to not pick Levi up and walk to bed to throw him onto the sheets. At times like these, there was little Erwin could do to suppress his urge to touch Levi and fuck him senseless. Sometimes the passion was all consuming and it manifested itself when Levi relentlessly grinded into him.

Levi tugged at the lobe of his ear and Erwin wrapped both of his arms around Levi’s small waist and pulled his body closer. His ass rubbed right over Erwin’s cock, sending blood down to fill him up.

Dry humping was one of Erwin’s weaknesses to say the least, and he desperately coveted to see Levi’s naked and pale body in all its glory. And, since Levi knew how to tease, he would keep himself clothed until Erwin was forced to rip the clothes from his body. Today was going to be one of those days, Erwin could tell.

Running a hand up the curve of Levi’s spine, he settled in his hair to pull him back in order to clash their lips together. Readily, Levi’s tongue was available for Erwin to connect his own with, sliding them together sloppily. Levi only allowed their love to be sloppy when Erwin needed comfort to come from it. Any other time and he would have pulled away and berated Erwin for being messy. Sometimes, Erwin did it on purpose to make Levi angry because, when Levi was angry, their sex was rough as all hell and they craved that at times.

Levi moaned like a whore, sending waves through Erwin’s body and he left his mouth to trace his own down Levi’s slender neck. There were already bruises there, either from the battlefield or from times when Erwin had marked him to show who Levi belonged to.

Speedily undoing his cravat, Erwin then placed his open mouth at the base of his neck and began sucking. Levi arched his neck up to reveal more skin as Erwin used his teeth to nip at it.

Levi’s rotating hips turned to rash bucking as he yearned to be touched by Erwin’s warm and large hands. As Erwin ran his tongue over the red mark, wetting the sore bruise that was forming, he glanced up and saw Levi’s face in an expression of ecstasy. This was when the façade began to crumble, when Levi forgot to be ever angry and harsh, and let his moans and whimpers escape his lips. The latter would never be something he admitted to, but Erwin knew the sound well for he had pulled such keening sounds from his throat a thousand times over.

But before he could elicit another, Erwin glanced back to his desk. The names of his fallen comrades seemed to jump out of the page to him, screaming at him. For a second, instead of hearing Levi’s heavy breathing, he heard the screams of pain from those who were being devoured by Titans.

He withdrew from Levi’s neck and Levi took this as a sign to remove himself from Erwin’s lap and bend over the desk so his perfectly round ass sat in front of Erwin, in ideal position for being slapped. Knowing exactly what he was doing, Levi pushed Erwin’s papers off the desk to try and bring Erwin’s mind away from those who had pointlessly lost their lives.

It was, however, too late. Erwin watched the papers slide across the floor, his heart sinking to the ground with them. There was no way he could forget about them by taking Levi against the desk. Sure, he could forget his woes by doing so, but the guilt would return tenfold once he was done.

Erwin was not a selfish man, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Levi was the man he loved, but the cause of his missions and his fallen comrades sometimes needed to come first. It was not something Erwin was fond of, but necessities were rarely a good thing.

With a heavy heart, Erwin stretched his arm up and ruffled Levi’s hair instead. Instantly, Levi straightened up and turned his head around to meet Erwin’s gaze. His ass did not really move from its position in Erwin’s view.

“That’s not what I wanted.” Levi said, his voice confused and almost upset. _Almost._

“I know.” Again, Erwin attempted a smile but his heart was still too heavy. “I have to finish this.”

Erwin got up from his seat, gently pushing Levi to the side in order to pick up the fallen sheets. When he stood after picking them all up, Levi was watching him with his head cocked to the side.

“Really? You’re going to ignore me to sign some bullshit report?” Levi asked, and he wasn’t bitter, he was almost mocking him. When the job came first, Levi could understand it, but he didn’t exactly like it.

“I’m afraid so.” Erwin said and he bent down to kiss Levi’s forehead. Levi crossed his arms but seemed unaffected.

“Fine.” Levi scoffed. “I’ll give you two minutes, then you’re coming to bed and you’re going to forget this mission even happened.” Levi spoke in imperatives and declaratives, and he didn’t let people argue back.

“Sure.” Erwin agreed, though he knew he would not go to Levi’s side until he was done.

By the look in Levi’s eyes, Erwin knew Levi could tell he was lying. He nodded once, a small sigh leaving his body before he rounded on himself and went into Erwin’s quarters, his ass swaying seductively and almost tempting Erwin to forget about his work right away.

But he didn’t. Two minutes passed and Erwin was not much closer to finishing his report. He wrote until his hand ached and not only did two minutes pass, but two hours did. Then it turned to four hours, then six. He knew he was working himself too hard, but he had to.

If he didn’t clear his conscience now, then the guilt would consume him to such an extent that he would focus on nothing else until it was done. What else could he do? The job required it of him and, being the Commander meant he couldn’t stop just because his lover was in the next room waiting to be spanked.

It was no easy feat, writing about how they still needed funding even though it was likely this would happen again. Every time they went outside, they could fail their mission. If Abnormals rode the land, then they had little choice but to fall back. Normal Titans were one thing, but Abnormals were another thing completely, more frightening because you couldn’t understand them or predict them at all.

It plagued Erwin’s mind each time they planned to do another Expedition. They could always fail, they could always lose people and not have their deaths mean anything. It was something he panicked about every time they planned to go out again, but Levi could usually calm him down in some manner or other.

Which is why he felt guilty for leaving Levi waiting for so long without him. Six hours had gone by and Erwin was only just finishing. The joints in his hand bothered him dully, a cramp setting itself in his palm from clutching the pen so tightly. He massaged his hand as he got up, the light from the oil lamp being the only light in the entire room for the night sky had encompassed the world now.

Erwin knew Levi would likely be asleep, so he went about quietly, extinguishing the flames and opening the door into his sleeping quarters almost silently. As he expected, Levi was curled up on top of the blankets, his chest rising and falling steadily in a dormant, sleeping rhythm. In sleep, his face was peaceful and calm, much different from the face he wore in day-to-day life.

As Levi had expected Erwin not to come in, he had stripped of his uniform and put on his sleepwear, which was still his uniform but the undergarments of it since he cared not for the sleepwear that everyone else wore. But the fact that he was atop the covers and not underneath made Erwin wonder if Levi had hoped he would come in. A pang plagued his heart, but Erwin ignored it. He was used to ignoring pains of the heart by now.

Erwin undressed and readied for bed in silence. If Levi awoke because of Erwin after he had disobeyed coming to bed with him, then Levi would unleash a wrath that would likely awake the entire Corps. No part of Erwin wanted that.

Carefully, Erwin got into bed and pulled the covers over him, somehow performing the miracle of getting them on top of Levi’s small body as well. Still gently, Erwin shuffled closer to Levi’s body, draping an arm over his waist before he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

That night, Erwin did not spank Levi like he wanted him to.

**_iv._ **

No matter where they were, death sort of surrounded their lives. It was more common in the Survey Corps than was fair. Whether it was the civilians that they were trying to save or the soldiers that had trained to fight against the very things that killed them, death was not something anyone was foreign to. Titans made life hell and seeing people die on a regular basis was a part of that.

However, Erwin did not expect every single one of Levi’s squad, excluding Jaeger, to die in one go. They were some of the best members to ever join the Corps and even though there was no doubt they would die because _everyone_ was going to die, no one thought they were going to perish altogether. Perhaps they would sacrifice themselves for each other, but they wouldn’t be smote all in one go. Surely not.

And yet they were. And Levi wasn’t there because he was with the Commander. A small part, nay, a major part of Erwin was glad Levi was absent from the massacre. Sure, he may be labelled as the strongest soldier, but he was still human and he still could have died. Maybe he might not have, but he _could_ have if he was with them, and Erwin would have become a broken man if he did.

On the other hand, Levi was cursing himself more than ever for leaving his squad and not being there to help. Even though they very well could take care of themselves, Levi could have been there to help, but he wasn’t and he hadn’t.

On the outside, he was pretending to be indifferent. They didn’t have much time to come to terms with it, but he brushed it off by claiming they were human just like everyone else and they served the cause even in death. He pretended the cause was more important to him but for Levi, it never really was.

Even though Levi was good at pretending his duties came first, Erwin knew he cared more for the lives of his comrades than he should have. Erwin probably should have scolded him for such, but it was that compassion that made him the fighter he was; his passion for life and empathy for others made him the best soldier that there was.

And it wasn’t an inherently bad thing to care about people. After Erwin had served the cause for so long, he had almost become numb to the sight of death. Having Levi around him to remind him that the deaths of these soldiers was not insignificant because they had all been people before death claimed them was refreshing and it allowed for the Commander to not lose touch with humanity.

And now Levi was desperately hurting because of the loss of his squad. Erwin could see, deep down, a pain in his steely eyes. They continued to show his boredom but that wasn’t what he felt. No, Erwin could see he was feeling an ache for them.

Not only had they been grand fighters, they had been Levi’s friends. Levi was not all that great with friendships, he never rightly saw their purpose. In Underground, he had had merely two and, although it was not the quantity but the quality, he probably deserved some more. Here, in the Survey Corps, he had more friends but it took a lot to get close to him.

His squad had gotten to that point or were very close to breaching that point, and now they were no more. Some would think Levi strong because he carried on so well after losing all these people, but Erwin could see him breaking apart beneath his shell.

After they made it back to safety, Levi went stone cold, his eyes hazed over. Erwin addressed his soldiers but, before he could go to Levi and talk to him, Levi had disappeared from his side. He searched the dispersing crowd furiously, but Levi’s small form was nowhere to be found.

Erwin knew, after the failure of their mission, they would be called to the Capital, forced to give Eren up. But, since they had a few hours, Erwin was going to look for Levi before they had a decision to make. Armin had said something about a plan to target the Female Titan and Erwin told him to talk it through with some of the others and that he would discuss it with him after he tended to someone else; Levi.

But, as Erwin traversed the halls, he could not find him. Erwin went to the mess hall, but he was not there, he went to his office and quarters but he was not there, he even went to the stables to see if Levi was tending to the horses, but he wasn’t there either.

Usually, Levi could be found cleaning something somewhere. Whether he was in a good mood or a bad one, he could go and clean whatever he could find. So, when Erwin could not find him in the messy areas of HQ, Erwin almost started to panic.

There was no real reason for Erwin to panic, Levi was an adult and very capable of caring for himself. Well, that was the case when he wasn’t devastated over the death of his squad, mourning them. At times like these, Levi forgot to eat and barely spoke to anyone, and Erwin took it upon himself to make sure Levi didn’t withdraw like that.

After searching the building a second time, Erwin still had not found Levi. There were secret places throughout HQ, for soldiers who wanted to get away and have secret escapades or those who needed a moment of peace where they would not be disturbed but Erwin did not bother checking those. Levi never used them and, in fact, he called them places of cowardice because he believed in doing everything with confidence.

That left one place he had not gone to because he didn’t think Levi would be ready to go there yet; the quarters of his squad. Surely it would bring back too many memories for him too soon. Their deaths had only just happened, there was no way he was going to be ready to face the place they slept a mere night ago.

Lightly, Erwin knocked on the door and pushed it open, knowing that, even if Levi was inside, he would not answer. Sometimes Erwin had to be forceful when Levi was in one of these moods and there was no way around it.

As the sun sunk slowly outside, it poured in a deep mixtures of lights that enveloped everything within the room. It made the shadows warped and obscure, illuminating everything in scarlet and coquelicot and cerise. It was oddly ominous.

As Erwin’s eyes focused, he saw that the beds had been stripped and the closets were open, now bare. It struck Erwin as odd, it was way too soon for their rooms to be cleaned out. But then Erwin realised, if Levi had been in here, of course he had cleaned it up, to clear his mind and make him feel better; cleaning always did that.

For a moment, Erwin could not see Levi within, and he wondered if Levi had cleaned it out and taken everything away. It wasn’t unlike him to work quickly and, when he was in no mood for chitchat, he would work even faster.

But then Erwin saw him, lit up by the peculiar shades of the sun setting outside. He was a shadow, merging in with the bunks, but he was there. He was unmoving, staring into the pile of bedsheets and clothes he had laid in front of him, the remnants of his squad.

“Levi?” Erwin prompted quietly, standing in the doorway.

He didn’t react to his name. With his eyes still focused on the pile of fabrics, he continued to look blankly at the world. It was as though the lights from outside were allowing him to fade, but he was humanity’s best hope and Erwin was not going to let him withdraw from a broken heart.

Cautiously, Erwin crept forward toward Levi after he closed the door behind him. Despite the ‘click’ of the lock being slight, it felt as though it echoed through the room. Erwin sat himself on the bed next to Levi, studying him for a moment. His shoulders were sunken, his eyes hollow, and his skin was pale. He had stripped himself of his uniform and what remained suddenly looked as though it was too big for him, it gave the impression it was hanging off his body.

For a moment, Erwin felt like he was looking at a child. Sure, his height and face always made him look younger, but there was always an aged look in his eyes. It was gone now, reduced because of the death of his comrades. Vulnerability was plain there now and Erwin wanted to hug him close to his body.

Reaching out, Erwin attempted to take Levi’s hands that were set on his lap, but Levi flinched away. His eyes darkened further somehow, and he moved himself away, inches from the edge of the bed now. He had clenched his jaw, his fists tight.

“Levi.” Erwin said, his voice soft even to his own ears. Being tender was not something that came easy to Erwin, he knew how to be brutal and harsh and commanding, but with Levi he always found himself able to be a much kinder man.

“Leave me alone.” Levi said through gritted teeth, still not looking at the Commander.

“I don’t think that’ll be good for you.” Erwin said and he, again, attempted to reach his hands out to touch his arm or shoulder or anything. Again, Levi flinched away. He didn’t move off the bed, because there wasn’t anywhere to go, but Erwin got the message.

“I don’t want you here.” Levi said.

“Why?”

“I can’t keep anyone safe. People shouldn’t be around me.” He said, quietly, barely audible.

There was that self-destructive behaviour Levi had, one that Erwin thought he had grown out of after Isabel and Farlan. Sometimes there were glimmers of it, but he always overcame those dark feelings. With Erwin by his side, telling him that he was good and that he deserved love, he was always able to get around those thoughts.

“This was not your fault.” Erwin said.

“I wasn’t there for them.” Levi spat out. He hadn’t looked at Erwin but Erwin’s gaze was unmoving from his face which was growing with worry lines as he spoke.

“That’s my fault then.” Erwin said, hoping that, if Levi could place the blame on him, he wouldn’t hate himself so much. “I ordered you to join me, there was nothing else you could do.”

Levi went silent, contemplating Erwin’s words. In fact, he contemplated them for so long, Erwin wondered if Levi was going to say anything else. The silence hung on Erwin heavily, but Erwin didn’t want to break it. He felt like Levi needed the space and the time to recover himself. Too much pushing and he wouldn’t do anything out of spite.

“No.” Levi said eventually. “Don’t try and take the blame. This is on me. They’re dead because of me. It was the same with Isabel and Farlan, it’s my fault. I left and they died. It’s a pattern, I should fight alone and live alone. That way, people won’t die.”

“Are you pushing me away?” Erwin asked. There was no anger or fear in his tone for there was no way on earth Erwin was going to let Levi push him away, he merely needed to know if that was Levi’s intention.

“I don’t want you anymore.” Levi said.

Erwin knew he wanted to add _because you’ll get hurt if you stay around me_ but he didn’t. Even though Levi didn’t want Erwin to touch him, Erwin stretched his hands out and grabbed the front of Levi’s shirt, turning Levi to face him. Although their bodies were facing each other now, Levi turned his head so he still didn’t look into Erwin’s eyes.

“Don’t be stupid.” Erwin said, his voice level and calm. “People die around me all the time, you don’t see me trying to push you away, do you?”

Levi shrugged.

“Look at me Levi.” Erwin said, his grip not leaving Levi’s shirt.

Levi didn’t move his head. A defiance surrounded him but Erwin always knew how to break it down. This was his Levi, a man he had come to know and love above all else. He could break down those walls like no other and he would, no matter what.

“Levi, look at me.” Erwin repeated.

Still, Levi did not look towards him. Levi’s breathing was becoming harsh and restricted. His jaw clenched again and Erwin lessened the grip on his shirt, still holding the fabric but not with such a force.

Then Levi winced and he brought a hand to his thigh. Still, after the fight with the Female Titan, it was plaguing him. There were also cuts and bruises on his face, and blood stained his clothes. The remnants of the fight were obvious, but Erwin thought the pain in his leg would fade.

If this was a long lasting injury, who knows what might happen. Physical pains were no good for fighting, even though Levi would most likely ignore it until the worst happened. Erwin knew he would need to see a doctor about it. Levi hated doctors, so it would not be easy.

But the pain that was worse than his leg was the one in his heart, Erwin could tell. Eventually, he would have to go and talk to the parents and the families of the members of his squad. He had ignored them when they walked through the Walls, but he couldn’t always do that.

He would have to tell them about their sacrifice for the cause, and how valiant they were. Despite the hollowness in his heart, Levi would have to tell his squad’s loved ones that they lived bravely and died bravely, even though he wasn’t even there to see it all happen. Erwin had done it many times and it never got easier.

“Let me take you to the doctor. They’re all there, ready to help us.” Erwin said.

Levi shook his head defiantly. “I don’t need a doctor to tell me that my leg’s fucked up. I know that already.”

“But they’ll be able to help.” Erwin was not giving up. When Levi was being difficult, a lot of people would stop trying, but not Erwin.

“I don’t need their help.” Levi said, the vulnerability in his voice stronger than he would probably would have liked.

There were the hints of tears brimming at Levi’s eyes and he wiped at them furiously. Erwin completely released his grip on Levi’s now crumpled shirt. Typically, he would have taken it off and ironed it the second he could, but not when he was feeling so defeated. Now he just left it.

Erwin let one of his hands travel up to cup Levi’s downcast face. In a slight movement, barely detectable, Levi pressed his face into Erwin’s palm.

“Leave me alone.” Levi pleaded despite himself. Levi’s words were one thing, his actions another entirely.

Erwin usually went with his actions.

“No, Levi.” Erwin said. “You need me here.” It sounded a tad egotistical to think Levi needed Erwin by his side, but he did. Levi didn’t tend to break down around anyone else, and Erwin could see the walls crumbling around him. Sometimes people needed to break down in order to feel better afterwards and that’s what Levi needed.

“No, I don’t. When people are around me, they die. I can’t let you die.”

“I’m not going to die because of you,” Erwin began, stroking his thumb across his cheekbone, “I’m going to die because that’s the way the world works and it’s cruel, but it’s got nothing to do with you.”

“People around me always suffer.” Levi said and he sounded so defeated.

“I’m not suffering.” Erwin said.

More tears filled Levi’s eyes and Erwin’s heart splintered into pieces. Vulnerability was not what Erwin associated Levi with, but everyone has their moments. Erwin desperately wanted to pull Levi into his chest and hug him tight, but Levi would not want that.

Sometimes, however, you had to do what people didn’t want you to because you knew, deep down, that that would be what they needed. So, after wrapping his arms around Levi’s shoulders, he pulled him into his large chest, and immersed a hand into his black locks to keep his head against his shoulder.

He expected Levi to struggle, to fight his way out of the strong grip around him, but he didn’t. He sank against the Commander, his face buried against his neck. He went limp almost, weak as he let Erwin be his rock. Erwin could feel his body shake and hear a gentle sobbing, but he said nothing. He let Levi weep with Erwin’s silence as a comfort.

Erwin got to console Levi, but Levi wanted to be alone.

**_v._ **

“Touch me, Erwin.” Levi begged.

Currently, his hands were bound, tied to the headboard above him. His feet were loosely tied to the bottom of the bed too, though Erwin would untie them when it came to fucking him. His body was twisting and turning, his slender frame arched up in desperation for Erwin’s hands to run over him.

His solid cock rubbed against his stomach leaving a trail of precum where he moved. He had been begging for Erwin for a while now, but Erwin was in a very dominant mood. He wanted to make Levi even more desperate than he already was.

For the most part of the day, he had been swaying his hips in front of everyone, and whispering dirty things in Erwin’s ear to distract him from his planning. Erwin could deal with that, but when Levi, in a quiet moment in the hall, pressed his back to Erwin’s chest, tiptoed up, and rubbed his ass into Erwin’s crotch, Erwin could take it no longer. He had grabbed Levi by the cravat and dragged him back to their quarters.

“Do you really think you deserve to be touched?” Erwin asked.

Erwin was knelt between Levi’s legs. He was still dressed, though he had removed his boots and jacket. He’d pressed chaste kisses to Levi’s bare skin and mouth, but other than that, he had eschewed touching Levi completely. It had made Levi a dishevelled mess, and Erwin revelled in it.

Seeing Levi writhe in desperation for him, to hear him beg and keen, it made Erwin harder than he cared to admit. It took a lot of restraint to not run his hands over Levi’s pale body and pump his long cock along its beautiful curve, but he had to. Levi needed to be punished for being a tease in some form. Bondage seemed to be a good enough punishment today.

“Yes, sir.” Levi answered, his eyes closed and head thrown back, coveting Erwin’s touch.

He was a mess, and it made Erwin smirk. Erwin was going to make him come without touching him, he had come to that decision when tying his lover to the bed. These times came rarely, but hearing Levi beg so much until he came, it made Erwin feel powerful. Levi did not care for it so much, but Erwin needed to show his dominance and it presented itself wonderfully during times like these.

“I’m not so sure.” Erwin said, running a hand lightly across the inside of Levi’s thigh, making him buck his hips and whimper. “Teases don’t deserve to be touched.”

Levi made a frustrated noise, extended after Erwin removed his hand from his thigh. He was pulling rather desperately at the rope around his wrists, almost enough to give him rope burn. It wasn’t Erwin’s fault if he hurt himself, but Levi would be angry if he got an injury because of Erwin’s tying him to the bed. So, to stop him, he slapped Levi’s thigh.

“Stop struggling, Levi.” Erwin commanded. “You’ll get out when I say you can.”

Levi stopped moving his wrists, and he huffed out some air defiantly. To reward him for being a good boy, Erwin leaned down and pressed hot and wet kisses to the inside of Levi’s thighs. Moaning from the heat of Erwin’s open mouth on his skin and, because he wanted more, Levi gently rotated his hips again, trying to push Erwin closer to his cock.

But Erwin was not going to touch him like that, not today. So he sat up again and stripped. Levi’s half-lidded eyes, pupil full and dark with lust, watched Erwin intently, his lips parted. Because Levi was a whore who deserved to be teased, Erwin undressed slowly. He took his buttons one by one, at such a pace it looked like it pained Levi, slowly revealing Erwin’s olive chest and stomach that was flecked with blonde hair illuminated by the light from the window.

Once he removed his white shirt, dumping it on the ground to make Levi squirm in a way that was not from arousal, he travelled to his belt which lay beneath a thick happy trail, disappearing beneath his trousers. If Levi had his hands free, he would let them roam across the chest hair that he loved so much, but he couldn’t now, and it just made him writhe.

The evidence of Erwin’s arousal was clear, his bulge pressing almost painfully against his trousers, his massive cock filled with blood to make him solid. Torturously slow, Erwin undid his trousers and slid them off his legs with his underwear following suit.

Every time Levi saw Erwin’s huge cock, he seemed amazed by it. It was pretty large, Erwin knew that, and it seemed impractical that little Levi would be able to take him inside his ass, but he always did and he never seemed to complain. In fact, he always seemed to enjoy it. Who knew?

His mouth opened in lust, as if could taste Erwin’s cock just by looking at him. To tease him further, Erwin ran his hand up and down his own length slowly, and Levi mewled, rocking his hips back and forth as if he could gain satisfactory friction from that.

Of course, he wouldn’t, but he seemed set on the idea that, eventually, Erwin would touch his cock for him and pump his length until he came. A few times before, Erwin had made Levi come without touching his cock, and it gave Erwin a power over Levi that made him behave like a good boy until he forgot his manners again. He forgot his manners a lot actually, but making him come without touching him was no facile task. They both had to have a lot of stamina for such.

Erwin went to the bedside table and pulled the oil out from the drawer, walking slowly because he could feel Levi’s heavy gaze watching his every move. It made Erwin walk and act slower, and it was the very contrast of what Levi wanted him to do. He hid a smirk as he settled himself between Levi’s legs again.

Quickly untying the ties on his feet, Erwin brought Levi’s ass up and onto his large thighs. Instinctively, Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin’s hips, their heat radiating off each other. Levi’s body arched up at the perfect angle now and it made Erwin’s cock twitch, desperate to feel Levi and be inside his glorious hole.

Levi was already stretched considering how much sex they had on a regular basis, so he didn’t need Erwin to scissor his fingers inside Levi’s ass. However, he did pour the oil onto his hands and press his fingers into Levi’s hole to lubricate him.

He bucked his hips, moaning at the touch. Erwin’s cock throbbed as he watched Levi rotate back onto his three digits that moved in and out of Levi’s ass. Pointedly, he avoided Levi’s prostate, which made Levi keen underneath his touch.

Levi was hot around him, pulsing against his fingers. Erwin could feel his own cock throb, achingly hard. He had been waiting a long time to feel Levi around him. Making him wait didn’t only punish Levi, it punished Erwin as well. His cock yearned to be inside Levi just as much as Levi’s cock wanted Erwin’s touch.

After Levi began begging again, desperately rocking and rutting back onto Erwin’s slow moving hand, Erwin removed his fingers and rubbed his hand up and down his huge cock after he oiled it up again. The sensation of rubbing himself sent sparks across Erwin’s body but it would be too cruel to make himself come whilst Levi watched without getting his own satisfaction.

So, after he had coated his cock in warmed oil, Erwin pressed the head into Levi’s wet hole. Levi moaned like a whore, hissing through his teeth at the contact. Erwin felt his cock react to Levi’s considerably tight hole, and he had to grab Levi’s hips to stop himself from thrusting all the way too soon.

He gripped hard enough to bruise, but Levi didn’t seem to care. Every time Erwin pressed his cock in, Levi tried to push himself further before Erwin pulled out, but he never got very far because he wasn’t at the right angle and because Erwin didn’t deem it so.

Building up a slow rhythm, Erwin rocked his hips so he filled Levi only halfway with his enormous cock. Even though Levi begged for more, Erwin would not give him what he wanted, not yet. Despite the glorious sensation coursing through him every time he pressed in, Erwin had to tease his lover.

There was sweat running across both their bodies already. It was a scorching hot day and, by fucking, they were putting their bodies through more than was perhaps fair. But, when Levi got him hard, he didn’t care how hot his body got, as long as Levi could make him come. That’s all he cared about.

Eventually, Erwin filled Levi entirely with his length, all the way up to the hilt. That’s when it got much rougher. He fucked him hard and desperate, his hands digging deep into Levi’s hips. Levi couldn’t maintain eye contact because he had thrown his head back into the pillows, moaning and whimpering at every thrust that Erwin gave him.

Every now and again, Erwin would slow his rhythm to press his head to Levi’s sensitive prostate, but then he would slam into him again. Each time, it caught Levi off-guard for he thought Erwin was going to soften his fucking, but then Erwin would rock his hips into Levi and he would moan over and over, and it sent chills through Erwin’s body.

It drove Erwin’s mind absolutely wild. To see his oh-so-composed Levi turned into this begging mess, it made Erwin feel like a god, his cock what Levi worshipped. The very thought made Erwin dig his fingers deeper into Levi’s skin, making him whine and shove his ass further onto Erwin’s cock.

If Erwin wasn’t punishing Levi for being a tease, he would have leant down and kissed him, letting their hot mouths meet in a sloppy and desperate kiss, but not now. He couldn’t let Levi’s hands run over his muscled chest and Erwin was saddened by the lack of touching, but hearing Levi chant his name like a prayer, that made up for it.

“Touch me.” Levi begged again, breathless now.

Erwin chuckled deeply. “No.” He answered, his own eyes dark in lust.

They made eye contact and Levi finally seemed to twig as to what Erwin was doing. He moaned in frustration but it didn’t last very long because Erwin’s long cock pressed against his prostate again and he bit his lip, his hips rutting forward uncontrollably.

Erwin was going fast, skin slapping against skin in the most satisfying fashion. Erwin’s thighs smacked against Levi’s taut ass as he fucked him hard. Levi couldn’t stop the moans, his back arching up in ecstasy and his cock jumping against his stomach, tight from the oncoming wave of an orgasm.

Feeling Levi tighten around him, Erwin almost reached out to pump his cock, but then he remembered and kept his firm grip on Levi’s prominent hips. Over and over again, Levi called Erwin’s name in an attempt to bring his hands to his solid and aching cock.

“Touch me.” Levi pleaded again, his voice tight as he came closer to coming.

Erwin did not pump Levi’s cock, and it made him whine despite his orgasm.

**_vi._ **

The Titans had come in numbers none of them could fathom. Up to the point they were currently at, the Expedition had gone exactly to plan; the formation had stuck better than Erwin actually thought it was going to, and the Titans came in small numbers. Their luck, Erwin had thought, was high, and he praised the gods for such.

But then it had gone awry. Even though there hadn’t been many Abnormals, there had been too many Titans to count. Their formation broke up faster than it seemed possible and he found himself amongst the squad that was on the left centre side when he was meant to be leading them at the front.

Flares had shot up so quickly, Erwin didn’t even know where to look. They lit up the sky that had previously been blue, making it a grotesque mixture of auburn and black, covering the sky in a thick layer of smoke and making it dark. Erwin hadn’t known where to turn, only that they needed to slaughter as many as they could so that the mission did not fail.

Erwin knew the death count was going to be high, there would be no way around it, but if they could kill as many Titans as they could, then Erwin could take it as a win. It would not be a good win, but it would be a win all the same. That was all the higher ups cared about anyway.

His horse was riding fierce, its hooves thundering across the ground as they travelled far. Around him, squads that were broken up followed his lead into what almost felt like a herd of Titans. He knew it was certain death, but the Commander had to lead his soldiers into battle because that’s what Commanders did.

It was a mess of soldiers and Titans. Corpses of both lay on the earth, the smoke from the burning bones of the Titans covering everything in sight. The once green grass was covered with blood, a red seeping across the land. Erwin kept his focus on the nearest Titan, not on the major death count that was happening right in front of him.

Before Erwin could even get close to the Titan, it was taken down by another squad. There was no efficiency here, no organisation. They killed what they could to keep everyone alive and Erwin hoped it worked. Sure, he could call out to his soldiers and tell them what to do, but it was chaos and one more voice to the mix of screams and cries was not going to help anyone.

Even though the cause always, _always_ came first, Erwin found himself searching for Levi amongst the crowd of madness. There were so many people littering the field, Erwin had trouble spotting him. Of course, he’d be safe, he was their strongest soldier, but Erwin always liked to _see_ that he was safe.

It was then that he spotted him, atop his steed and in the direction of a fourteen metre. Erwin, on top of a hill, watched Levi as he drew closer, his heart filling with warmth and anxiety at the same time. He would be safe, of course he would be, but Erwin couldn’t help but feel a certain sense of wariness this time, something he hadn’t really felt for Levi before.

There were a few soldiers riding towards the same Titan as Levi, and Erwin was glad; if they worked together, there was more chance that they would be safe. Erwin could watch on without such a panic in his heart. And yet he couldn’t shake this odd feeling of foreboding.

It was as though his body was telling him something, that something was terribly wrong, or that it was about to be. For the moment, he could see nothing, but everyone’s intuitions meant something and there was such a large part of Erwin that wanted to call out and tell Levi to stop, though he didn’t know why.

Erwin was not a foreseer, in fact, no one was. A few within the Walls claimed to be, but it was impossible. Titans were one thing, foreseers were something else entirely. But sometimes you just got a feeling, like when people dreamed of something before it happened. Right now, Erwin was feeling a state of panic before anything happened at all.

Just before he called out to Levi, ready to say something though he wasn’t sure what, it happened. Armin, who was riding in the same direction as Levi towards the same Titan, was picked up by another Titan they hadn’t been paying attention to. Eren, who was still sometimes more focused on his friends than the cause, heard Armin’s panicked screams, and averted the direction of his horse, cutting Levi off at the pass and, in turn, making Levi’s horse trip and fall over a dead body they had missed because of the confusion of directions.

Levi, in a totally ungraceful manner, tumbled to the ground alongside his horse. His horse, awkwardly, got up and ran off in another direction, leaving Levi stranded on the floor, holding his head that had hit the solid ground, hard.

Instantly, Erwin was forcing his horse forward, straight towards Levi who was stirring but not standing. The Titan he had previously been trying to kill had noticed this perfect meal lying, alive, on the floor before him, and he stumbled heavy footedly towards the little body who had just fallen onto the earth. Erwin dug his heels into his horse’s side to bring up the pace.

Everything suddenly seemed slow. Usually, when one was in battle, it sped up, but not now. The way the Titan’s enormous hand stretched down to pick up Levi who had attempted to run away but couldn’t because his body was in too much pain, the way Erwin’s horse galloped towards it, the battle around them, it was all slow.

Erwin knew he should care about the cause, that he should focus on the entire battle and not just one soldier. This one death that was probably about to happen was just another for the betterment of humanity, Erwin should have believed that.

But he couldn’t. Not when it was Levi. Not _his_ Levi.

The gigantic Titan’s mouth turned into a devilish grin, its grip tight around Levi’s tiny body. It was too tight, and Erwin felt like he could hear the bones cracking even from the distance he was at. Titans didn’t know about torture, but Erwin honestly felt like they did when things like this happened.

Levi was not screaming or crying, but Erwin thought many others in his place would. He still had his weapons in hand and he was digging them desperately into the Titan’s hand, but it only made the grip on his small frame tighter. Erwin watched as he lifted the blades up and threw them into the Titan’s eyes.

It screeched in pain, but none of the others seemed to notice it, they were all focused on their own battles. However, it did not drop Levi like Levi thought it would. He needed Erwin’s help and Erwin was there, soaring through the air in a graceful motion and swinging his blades around to cut deep into its nape.

Erwin landed atop the Titan’s head, looking down at Levi who had gone limp. The Titan, still standing, swayed for a moment before tumbling to the earth with an enormous thud. It started smoking and Erwin leapt off its hot body, scrambling down its arm in order to pry Levi from its grip.

It took a lot of effort, Levi in too much pain to help but, eventually, Erwin managed to pull Levi out and drag him a distance away. The battle was ongoing, but Erwin cared only for his Levi who was led in his lap, bleeding from everywhere.

Everything else faded from the world as Erwin focused only on Levi’s weak form in his arms. Blood seeped from his shirt, his limbs, even his face. Levi attempted to reach his arms up, but he did not have the energy. Erwin could feel the broken bones in his body, so much so that it felt like Levi was falling apart in his arms.

“I’m going to kill Eren.” Levi attempted, his voice weak and raspy.

Erwin pulled him closer and Levi winced in pain, blood gushing from the wounds that Erwin could not see. Brushing the hair out of Levi’s face, Erwin found it was matted with blood and Erwin wondered whether it came from his fall from the horse, from the Titan, or the fall to the floor from the dead Titan’s body.

“Are you in much pain?” Erwin asked, his breath quickening from the fight and because of his fear.

“Well, yeah.” Levi answered, trying to be his sarcastic self, but it sounded wrong now. It was too forced. “It hurts… It hurts a lot actually.”

Levi’s gaze was weak, looking up to Erwin through half-lidded eyes because he didn’t have the strength to open them properly. Slowly, his breathing was becoming a wheeze, his chest rising and falling slowly as if it pained him.

“Can you sit on a horse? Do you need help getting up?” Erwin asked, desperation clear from his tone.

“I don’t think… I’m getting up.” He wheezed, looking at Erwin with a sense of finality.

Erwin shook his head. The world around him was crumbling, falling apart at the seams. Levi was his rock, his very reason for living most of the time. If he gave up, what would be the point for Erwin? Even if he was the Commander, he was nothing without his Captains, especially without the Captain he loved, the Captain who was humanity’s strongest hope.

It felt as though Levi accepted his fate, but Erwin was not prepared to give up so easily. Levi was their strongest soldier, he did not give up easily. Nothing about Levi spoke about him being someone who gave up at the slightest issue. Why would he start now?

The battle may have been in full swing and he may have been in excruciating pain, but this was not the end. Erwin would not allow it. If it was the last thing Erwin did, he would get Levi up. Whatever it took, Levi wouldn’t die. Not today.

In attempt to get him up by carrying him, Levi screamed out in pain and Erwin collapsed to the floor. He shook his head again, feeling like the end was coming. He wouldn’t allow it. Tears were almost brimming, but Erwin would not let them fall.

“You need… to call… them back.” Levi said, his body weakening.

Erwin felt himself going numb, as if the warmth and love of his life were fading with every breath Levi took. Levi looked as though he had given up and Erwin couldn’t believe it. How was the strongest soldier of them all turned to this? How?

“I will once we get you on the horse. We need to get you to an infirmary, you’ve broken a few bones.” Erwin said, his voice sounding unfamiliarly defeated even to his own ears.

“Only a few? That’s optimistic.” Levi said and, again, he tried to reach a hand up but everything was too broken and he was losing too much blood to do so.

Erwin took the hand but did not squeeze it reassuringly for fear of hurting Levi more than he was already hurting. He furrowed his brow.

“You have to get up, Levi.” Erwin said.

“I… I… I can’t.” Levi said, his eyes watering.

“You get up, and that’s an order.” Erwin said, his eyes following suit, threatening to spill.

With one hand on Levi’s, and the other holding up his neck and shoulders, Erwin truly felt like he was holding a boy now. Levi was always small but he made up for it with his confidence and his superiority. With his face looking so defeated, it took the look of an innocence, one of a young boy in the midst of battle who saw things he could not comprehend.

His little body was so much smaller than Erwin remembered. Something about him made him feel fragile, that every movement and breath was going to break him. To be honest, that could have been true considering what he had just gone through, but Erwin never thought he would feel and look as frail as he did right now.

Erwin read a fear in his eyes. Although Levi never admitted it, Erwin knew he was always scared of death. He wanted to die by a Titan’s hand, within the pits of its stomach, not like this, not suffering in the arms of his lover. This couldn’t be the end, it just couldn’t.

“I have to… disobey… I’m afraid, Commander.” Levi said, struggling more and more.

“You can’t.” Erwin said, his tears close to falling. “You can’t disobey me, you just can’t.”

“I can’t, I can’t… help it today.” Each breath was shorter, threatening to be his last.

“Please.” Erwin rarely resorted to begging, but he felt like the situation called for it.

Erwin had never seen Levi’s face so sad. His mouth, usually a straight line, was curled down in sadness. Only a few times had Erwin had actually seen Levi cry, and it broke his heart more than he could even say. Right now, his heart would never be fixed, not unless Levi got up.

Despite the pain, Levi lifted his hand up and cupped Erwin’s cheek. To try and help, Erwin held his wrist gently but he didn’t know if it helped at all. A few tears streamed down Levi’s cheeks and Erwin felt a couple of his own fall, coming to rest on Levi’s blood strained jacket.

Pressing a gentle kiss to Levi’s bloody palm, Levi tried to cup Erwin’s face properly but he couldn’t. It made them both sadder, though they attempted smiles. If Erwin could have wiped at his eyes, he would have but his arm was keeping Levi up and, without it, Levi would not be able to look up at him.

“I-I-I-I’m s-s-s… sorry.” Levi said, tears falling at a heavy rate across his face, pooling where they rested in the crease of Erwin’s shirt. “I-I-I-I love y—y-,”

“Say it when you get home.” Erwin said.

It was not the first time they had told each other they loved the other, in fact they had said at least a thousand times considering how deep they were into their relationship. At times like these however, it felt like a goodbye and Erwin was not ready for a goodbye. Levi said it in moments like this when he thought he might not return and Erwin always told him to save it for when they got home and, always, Levi had agreed.

“I’m n-n-not going h-h-home.” Levi said. “I… love… y-you.”

Erwin shook his head. He couldn’t say it back. If he said it back, he was saying goodbye and he couldn’t say goodbye. It had been a warped fantasy, but Erwin had always imagined that they would marry and die happy, in their beds, of old age.

Deep down, he knew it was not possible, but he had hoped, hoped they would not end like this. Maybe in a Titan’s stomach, but not out on the battlefield before the battle even ended.

“S-s-say it b-back.” Levi told him.

“I can’t.” Erwin’s voice was tight, almost stuck in his throat.

“Say it.”

“Levi, please. My love, you have to come home. Don’t do this to me. You’re mine, I can’t let this happen.” Erwin said, no longer caring about the tears or the vulnerability in his tone. “You have to come home with me, you have to.”

“S-s-say it.” Levi repeated, his breaths no longer proper, but short and worthless.

For a few seconds, the words got caught in his throat. Levi went very still and, for fear of never saying those three words again to his Levi, he said, ‘”I love you, Levi, I love you. I love you so much, please, please don’t go.”

“I’m s-s-s-s-sorry.” His chest was struggling to rise at all now, his body jerking as it tried to keep him alive.

There was too much blood. It pooled everywhere and, even if Erwin could have, he wouldn’t know which wounds to apply pressure too. There were too many. It was too late.

“What do you need me to do?” Erwin asked in a last-ditch attempt at trying to make his lover happy in his final moments. This was it, this was the end. Erwin had no hope to hold on to. What else did he have? He had nothing but Levi and Levi was fading from the world.

“Hold me.”

And Erwin did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading x


End file.
